Of Married Couples And Hot Springs
by whitekitsunejugi
Summary: Hidan and Kakuzu are caught in the worst heat wave of the summer. Outside of all places! So in a desperate attempt for shelter, and to shut hidan up, they pursue an inn to cool down. But will the price be too much for Kakuzu?
1. Let's Cool The Fuck Off Already!

Hello everyone! I'm taking a strawberry breakfast to write this! This lovely HidaKa fanfic!..I've fallen in love with this couple..sighs like the the patheic person I am I really have...and there are fanfics on here, but they're either in another languag or skip the juicy details. Don't get me wrong! Some of you lovely people who write about this couple do, i just haven't found you yet. D: But believe me, this one will contain awesome awesome lovely hot mansex! Yay mansex! And have some guest appearance by people! Yay? YOU BETCHA! now..uh..without further ado...here you go!

Oh..before I forget...I don't own these fuckers. I am not making money off this shit either. D:

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"IT'S FUCKING HOT!" screamed a loud crude voice through the forest. The voice belonged to a silvery haired young man, whose normally slicked back hair was falling out of its hold and revealing short wisps of bangs across his forehead. The purple eyes glared up at the sky as if the sun would extinguish itself if he stared long enough.

"And by yelling that are you hoping your _god _will make it cooler?" His dark eyed companion said mockingly from behind mask. His companion wasn't bothered by the heat at all, even though he was wearing more layers than the man in front of him.

"Oh of course! Blame Hidan! It's his fault nature chose the day we'd be making a long trip to be the hottest day ever! "He yelled again, a slight pout adorning his features as another layer of sweat decided to coat him. He swore loudly, wiping his forehead with the back of his hand, hoping to clear some of the bangs away.

Kakuzu sighed, "I'm just stating that complaining isn't going to get anything done _Hidan." _He added the last part with emphasis in an effort to gain the younger male's attention. Hidan merely waved the man off as if he were a pesky fly and kept walking ahead, cursing often as he wiped his forehead from the heat.

"If you didn't think about it as much...it wouldn't bother you." The stitched man replied matter-of-factly, continuing his slow pace a couple of feet behind Hidan.

"Pssh, if problems this obvious could be dismissed like _that, _then I wouldn't even _be _in this fucking organization with all these _freak jobs."_ He said the last with emphasis as if to mock Kakuzu about earlier, throwing him a look that implied "freak jobs" included him.

"Comes from the man who worships a god no one's heard about." Kakuzu replied coolly, knowing full well this would most likely piss off Hidan even more. He didn't care though, because the face he made when angry was adorable-...Oh...maybe the heat was getting to him more than he thought...

Hidan threw Kakuzu a dirty look, "Oh so _now _you're making fun of Lord _Jashin? _That's it dude, it's personal." He narrowed his eyes, pulling out his scythe and glaring. Kakuzu sighed, knowing the fight would be a pointless waste of time had he cared.

"If I promise to find us somewhere to cool off, would you at least _act _civilized for more than _five _seconds?" He said, walking past the weapon wielding Hidan.

The immortal didn't hear the last part, too fascinated with the words 'cool' and 'off'. "Really?" Hidan said, putting his scythe away and jogging up to Kakuzu's side, "You'd actually do that? Even though you're like...a cheap bastard?"

Kakuzu's fought the urge to twitch and glanced at Hidan, before looking straight ahead again. "Sure. We're near a town anyway." He added with casualty as they walked through the last patch of trees, showing a large expanse of grass and in the far distance, a town inside of a valley.

Hidan's face brightened up and he fought the hard urge not to run across the grass and dance around like a certain nun singing about 'Music" and "Hills" and...who the hell cares he fell asleep during the movie anyway.

Kakuzu fought off the amused smile that wanted to reach the surface as he watched Hidan practically skip to the town.

When they finally reached the gates they headed into the village and stared at the different restaurants and such, eagerly searching for the words 'Inn'. Hidan was chatting excitedly, his happiness about finding an Inn with air conditioning shutting off his need to complain. Kakuzu preferred this over complaining, since he could ignore it, give simple answers such as 'hmm' or 'ah' and Hidan would be satisfied. Whereas if he were complaining he would demand answers, and expect them quickly.

They finally came to an Inn, it's inviting walkway leading up to even more inviting doors, which were held open for any new customers. Kakuzu glanced it over silently, hoping it wasn't _too _nice, and walked towards the entrance. When he heard his partner following him, he held up his hand, halting him in his tracks.

"I'll go in and check the price." He said quietly, turning slightly to glance at Hidan's reaction. Hidan frowned, his eyes narrowing as he stared at Kakuzu.

"Tch, fine," he said," but if it costs us no air conditioning, your hearing it for the next 10 miles." The white haired man turned around, leaning himself against the entrance and glaring at him silently.

Kakuzu nodded in silent agreement. He had to make this work. The heat he could handle just fine, but the constant nagging of his teammate was another story.

Hidan watched as Kakuzu walked up to the woman, who did an expectant double take as she took in Kakuzu's appearance. Kakuzu seemed to talk to her, at least Hidan thought he did, he obviously couldn't see his mouth moving with that damn mask of his.

He watched as the lady nodded and he assumed she was telling his partner the price if the widening of Kakuzu's eyes were any indication. Kakuzu stared at him for a second, and Hidan glared back. Daring him to even fucking _think _about walking ten miles to the next town with him. He would _bitch _and _whine _like it was his fucking _job. _Suddenly Kakuzu turned to the woman, telling her something.

Even more suddenly, the woman's eyes turned to look at Hidan and a huge look of happiness and excitement took over her face. Hidan swore he could hear squealing coming from her, and this made a slight nervous sensation course through his body. She was now looking at Hidan with a face that wanted to say, "Awww!" and then proceed to hug him.

Ok. Now he was really fucking worried. What the shit did Kakuzu say to her?

All his questions would soon be answered as the woman stood up, bowing to the stitched man and then running off excitedly. Kakuzu turned around and walked towards him, only stopping a couple inches away to whisper to him something he would never ever forget for the rest of his life.

"We're Married."

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Wow..this was fun...can't wait to write the next chapter..:D Though I would like 10 reviews to continue...for either of my stories, six will suffice for this one. Strawberry Breakfast already has 7...which I am happy with. 3

Right! So all will be explained in the next chapter!...when...i get around to it that is...


	2. The Married Couple

Ha ha! This one's longer! Much longer! Isn't that awesome:D Well uh...hope you enjoy it...I do appreciate those who reviewed. Hope you enjoy my warped version of how Hidan and Kakuzu spend their vacation!

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"WHAT?!" Hidan yelled loudly, his voice slightly echoing and causing a few people to glance over.

Kakuzu glared at him, slapping a hand over his mouth. "I _said _we're married Hidan. Well...at least _pretending _to be." At this the stitched man removed his hand, staring at his partner silently.

Hidan frowned and narrowed his eyes. "Why the _fuck _are we married?" he whispered harshly. When his partner remained silent, a sudden thought hit him. "No wait, lemme guess...Couples get a discount?"

"Close Hidan. _Honeymooners _get a discount."

Hidan turned pale. "_Honeymooners?"  
_

Kakuzu nodded. "Yes, _Honeymooners_ get to stay _free._"

"F-_free?!"_ He almost yelled, but decided to drop his voice at the last moment. "This has got to be the _stupidest _idea I've ever heard! How will we pull a couple off Kakuzu?! How?! AND WHY THE FUCK SHOULD I DO THIS?!"

Kakuzu glares at him again and went to put a hand over his mouth, but Hidan slapped it defiantly away, glaring at him. Kakuzu was slightly taken aback by the sudden act of violence, ignoring the rush of adrenaline the split second of contact gave him.

"Because Hidan...this place has hot springs..."

"Hot springs?" His face calmed slowly.

"...an all you can eat buffet..."

Hidan licked his lips, feeling the pangs of hunger come over him suddenly, "B-Buffet?"

"..And of course, that precious air conditioning you've been bitching about." Kakuzu replied, a smirk gracing his features. He knew this battle had been won, the look of mental debating on Hidan's face practically screamed it. After a long silence he saw his partner sigh before staring him into the eyes.

"...FINE!! What do I gotta do?" Hidan pouted, folding his arms like a spoiled child being scolded at.

"It's quite simple really...though for someone with such a simple mind as you it'll probably be hard..."

"FUCK YOU!" Hidan cried loudly, his hands fisted as his sides as he stomped his foot.

Now Hidan really looked like a spoiled child. This amused the hell out of Kakuzu.

He continued on as if Hidan hadn't uttered a word, "All we have to do is act like a couple of newlyweds..simple enough when you think about it."

"And what does that, may I ask, include?" Hidan said, folding his arms across his chest again.

"For one, we can't fight as much..this means if I accidentally insult you, or if you do to me..we have to let it go." Kakuzu said, biting the inside of his cheek as he said this. Hidan stared at him for a moment before 'Hmph'ing and nodding silently.

"And..." Kakuzu bit his cheek harder, fighting to say the next words, "we have to...touch each other..."

Hidan's eyes widened a look of disgust swimming across his features. "Touch?! You mean like...kiss you or something?! Cause I sure as hell ain't fucking you. Seriously."

Kakuzu let out a sigh, copying Hidan's actions by folding his arms across his chest as well.

"No..I don't think we have to be _that _drastic...though if it gets desperate enough, I will not hesitate to do that." Hidan let out a small noise of revulsion at this, but Kakuzu ignored it. "But I believe all we're expected of doing is being close together..as in, me holding your hand, or putting my arm around your waist."

Hidan stared at him silently, for once, and ran a hand through his slicked hair as he sighed heavily. "Fine...I guess we can hold hands..." He said, slowly bringing his hand up in front of Kakuzu. Kakuzu stared at it, then turned around without another word and began walking off.

The twisted monk let out a loud huff and was about to chew him out for ignoring him when he felt a warm hand incase his, gently pulling him along. Hidan stared at the hand as he followed behind Kakuzu almost mechanically.

He had expected his hand to feel horribly rough, or-or scaly, or fuck, he didn't know! Like cloth or something! But instead it felt like warm, soft, silk against his own. Kakuzu's hands were strong, and gripped him tightly, with the calluses on the tips of his fingers gently rubbing against the back of his hand. It..kinda showed that he worked with his hands, even if all the bastard did was sew. He smirked at this, glancing up at the back of Kakuzu's head.

Kakuzu continued to grip the young man's hand as he led them to the inn's entrance where the woman said she would wait inside. He gently squeezed Hidan's hand again, slightly uneasy with this whole situation. But..the reassuring feel of Hidan's hand squeezing back, whether it was payback for squeezing his hand or in an act of support, calmed him down slowly, before he walked inside.

Hidan let out a loud sigh of pleasure as he felt the cold air blowing against his skin, his body screaming a thousand 'thank you's!'. He watched as Kakuzu stared back at him, a delicate eyebrow raised.

"What? I can't enjoy some fucking air-conditioning?!" He said, his eyebrows knitted together. Kakuzu merely smirked, turning himself back around as he stood in front of the desk, still holding the man's hand silently. After he had grabbed Hidan's hand, he had expected the horrible feeling of calluses and sweat to graze against his tanned skin. Instead...he got hands that were almost as smooth as his, and perfectly free of sweat. They were sporting no calluses whatsoever, despite what he thought, and gripped his hand back gently.

Which surprised Kakuzu most of all.

"Sooo...what are we standing around for?" Hidan asked as he glanced around at the simple paintings of forests and other shit you'd see in a doctor's office as his mind still thanked him for the cool air.

"We're waiting for the woman to come back." He said simply, his posture more relaxed than it had been a few minutes ago.

"Oh." Hidan replied simply as his gaze finally settled on the desk.

"..Did she uh...Did she have to go to fucking china or what?" Hidan said as he grinned at Kakuzu. Kakuzu let out a slight snort that resembled a silent chuckle.

"Probably." At this they both let out silent snickers, which for Hidan broke into loud laughter before the main doors were slammed open and they both shut up immediately, their faces resuming their usual bored looks.

"Here we are!" She held up a key in front of Kakuzu. The woman then looked at Hidan and burst into a set of giggles, smiling.

"So this is your husband Mr.Kakuzu?" She said, looking Hidan over. Hidan let out a sound of outrage and embarrassment but Kakuzu saved them and replied coolly, "Yes, he is."

The inn keeper smiled, turning around. "Please follow me." Kakuzu nodded politely, then turned around and smacked Hidan across the face. Before he could yell at him for almost giving them away Hidan smacked _him _across the face. The stitched man blinked for a second, not used to _anyone _hitting him back. His face stung where Hidan's hand had made contact, causing a flushed look to come over his skin.

"You hit me..." He said dumbly, no other words coming to mind.

"You _started _it." Was Hidan's childish reply.

"Gentlemen, are you coming?" The woman poked her head back through the doorway, smiling.

"Yes...Sorry.." Kakuzu said as he turned back around, following the woman silently.

The Inn was quite nice. _Very _nice. It was in usual Japanese style, unlike the other hotels that were adopting the western look nowadays. It had the foyer where the desk was at, then it lead into a busy place full of busy hotel workers bustling back and forth in their kimonos. She led them past all this and down a hallway to a door.

"Here you go gentlemen, this is room 224. If you need me, or there are any complications whatsoever, my name is Machiko-san. Have a nice stay!" She said cheerfully, giggling one last time as she walked by them and headed down the hall.

Kakuzu unlocked the door, sliding it open to a large ornate room with a very large futon near the wall. It was very cozy, Kakuzu thought, and perfect for love-making if one was so inclined. Hidan let go of his hand almost immediately and charged for the bed, pouncing the poor inanimate object without any warning.

"BED!" He said loudly, nuzzling his face into one of the pillows.

"Yes Hidan. And this is door, and that is other door, and what you are holding is called a pillow." Kakuzu said, smirking and closing the door behind him.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP KAKUZU!" Hidan retorted, the loud yell muffled by the pillow. The masked man rolled his eyes at this, walking over and plopping his precious suitcase on a table, hanging up his akatsuki cloak on the nearest coat rack.

"Here." he said, holding out his hands. Hidan blinked for a second, and then took off his cloak, throwing it to Kakuzu as well as his scythe, which the man caught expertly. After putting up both items he watched as his partner continued to nuzzle one of the pillows in a cat-like manner. He decided this was very cute, but chose to ignore it as he walked back over, plopping onto the bed next to Hidan and sighing.

"Man I think I'm gonna take a bath before I eat. What about you?" Hidan said, looking at the man in question.

"I'll probably take a bath as well...perhaps look the buffet over..." Kakuzu said, resting his forehead against his palm.

"Ok then! How about I meet you at the buffet when I'm done?" He patted Kakuzu on the shoulder in a friendly manner, before standing up and stretching slightly, grinning. Kakuzu's body tensed at the contact, but he slowly nodded as he felt Hidan staring at him, waiting for his answer. Hidan grinned as his partner nodded then walked out of the room whistling, grabbing a hotel kimono before he left.

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Hidan sighed happily, nestling himself into the hot spring water.

'This feels so fucking good..' He said to himself, running his hands through his loose, unslicked, hair. The water felt magical against his sore muscles, easing them into relaxation. Well..they were relaxed till they heard a voice come from across the foggy bath.

"Excuse me sir...would you mind passing me an extra towel?" Hidan could barely make out the shape of him, but the voice he heard was warm, rhythmical, and sounded like he needed a fucking towel. What? You were expecting poetry? tch..Sure he read some of Bessie's romance novels... but he was bored, and Kakuzu was busy.

"Uh...sure." He replied as reached behind him and held a dry towel over the water.

"Thank you very much." The voice said, and the man walked closer to Hidan, smiling and holding out his hand. Hidan couldn't really tell with the fog...but what he could make of the man he had very dark eyes..and long maybe silver? white? hair.

He merely grinned as he watched the man put it underwater and proceed to wrap it around his waist. The man looked up at him timidly, smiling again.

"If you do not mind...may I ask your name?" he asked Hidan politely.

Hidan just grinned, "Sure! It's Hidan! Yours?" He said, offering the spot next to him.

"Oh, pardon me." He said, sitting himself next to Hidan but leaving enough space so they weren't intimate.

"It's Yakushi, Yakushi Kabuto."

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:D As usual, I would six reviews...just six. it'd make me happy...lD Uh and...in case you don't know..by now..there will be hot and sexy man love it future chapters, thank you! 3

Bessie? The supposed "female" member of the akatsuki. The one with blue hair and the flower.


	3. The Snake, The Doctor, and The Boy

Read the Bottom for my notes:D 

Oh..and welcome to ch.3! XD;;

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"Kabuto eh?" Hidan grinned, looking the man over. "You know...you look very familiar..."

"I do?" Kabuto blinked, tilting his head to the side.

"Yeah..." Hidan stared at him thoughtfully, before his face lit up, "Do you owe me money?!" He said excitedly, leaning closer to the med-nin.

Kabuto backed up a tad, his eyebrow raised, "Erm...no." He answered, a slow smile spreading across his face. Hidan's face fell as he let out a loud sigh.

"Damn..." He said, pouting childishly. Kabuto merely smiled apologetically before gazing at his hands. He frowned slightly at the pruny texture they had taken as he dipped them back into the water.

"Well...I'm going to take my leave...would you care to go with me? I'm heading to the buffet to meet my lover." He smiled, standing up and letting the water drip off of him. Hidan blinked, taken back by the sudden invitation. No one had ever offered Hidan to come with him somewhere. He grinned, hopping up happily.

'Probably because he doesn't know you very well.' Came Kakuzu's nagging voice in his head. Hidan growled mentally. 'Even when the fucker isn't here my mind makes up snappy comebacks for him! God, is my body turning against me or what?!'

"So I take it your coming?" Kabuto said politely, walking out of the bath and stopping at the adjoining locker room door.

"Hell yeah!" Hidan said, standing up and following after him. "I gotta meet my uh..." he went quiet at this, not sure what he should call Kakuzu. Should he go right out and call him his husband?'...Eh..what the hell',"...husband." Hidan said, feeling a strange and very warped version of pride in his belly.

"Husband?" Kabuto blinked, and then continued to smile. "Congratulations! When were you married?"

"Uh...Last week. This is our honeymoon." The monk said, trying his hardest not to snicker at the words issuing from his mouth.

Kabuto patted his back in a congratulatory manner," That's nice Hidan-san. Is it good so far?"

"Oh yeah..it's pretty good. Bumps and turns here and there...you know, the usual." Hidan laughed nervously as he walked into the locker room with Kabuto, heading over to his locker as the man walked to his. Hidan removed the towel around his waist, dropping it and grabbing a dry one. He moved the towel rapidly up and down his arms, drying his body quickly. He dried off his hair much more tenderly, paying careful attention to dry every inch of it as much as he could.

'Damnit..should've brought my gel..' Hidan thought to himself as he brushed his hair with his fingers, causing the bangs he normally kept slipped back to fall in his face. They didn't hide his eyes or anything...but they sure pissed him the fuck off. He grabbed his boxers, slipping them on as well as the hotel kimono.

He turned and walked down the isle, walking towards the entrance where Kabuto was waiting for him with a smile on his face. The young man's hair was tied back, and he was wearing glasses.

"Wow...you look like a nerd!" Hidan said before he could stop himself, a grin spreading over his features.

Kabuto laughed slightly, his brows knitting together in an upward fashion, "Well...thanks I guess." He smiled.

'...Asshole.' Kabuto thought to himself, following the loud man outside.

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Kakuzu looked over the buffet thoughtfully, holding two plates as he put what Hidan liked on one, and his personal favorites on the other. He was begrudgingly thankful he had listened to Hidan the day he had prattled on an on about his interests when Kakuzu had asked out of curiosity. He had regretted it though, when ten minutes later his partner was still talking.

A slight smile came to his face at the memory, but he quickly resumed his usual stoical expression. Not that anyone could see with him wearing a mask and all.

'Oh...orange chicken...something that we actually agree that we like.' He reached for it, frowning when his hand collided with another, much paler one. He followed the arm upwards, a feeling of dread filling him as he made out a familiar purple kimono, before finally reaching the trademark white face and gold snake-like eyes.

"Hmph. Orochimaru." Kakuzu said bitterly, slapping the man's hand away rudely. The man then took a generous portion of orange chicken and put it on both of the plates he was holding.

"My My Kakuzu..we haven't seen each other all these years, and you are so mean as to slap my hand away from a dish I like? I'm hurt." Orochimaru said, faking sadness in his voice as he took the large spoon from Kakuzu when he was done, putting some on his own plate.

"why should I be nice to a traitor like you?" Kakuzu said, moving downwards to a couple of bean paste buns and plopping them onto Hidan's plate. Orochimaru merely smirked, following him and holding two plates as well.

"Extra hungry today Kakuzu? Or have you an eating disorder?" He said playfully, watching as the man put some teriyaki beef on his plate. Kakuzu looked up and glared at the snake man, before looking down and staring at the two plates the man held as well.

"I could say the same for you." The stitched man replied as he loaded up the plates, walking over to the drink area. He was revolted as Orochimaru joined him at his side, grabbing two cups and smirking.

"Since when do you like American food?" He said, eyeing the pizza that Kakuzu had on one of his plates. Kakuzu glanced at said plate, before glaring at Orochimaru.

"It's for my partner." He replied as he filled up one glass with disgusting soda, the other with his favorite ice tea. Orochimaru observed this, before filling his own two cups as well.

"Oh? what kind of "partner"?" The snake man smirked at him, carrying both cups with one hand and two plates with the other. Kakuzu merely frowned, holding his cups and plates in the same way.

"Not the kind your thinking." Kakuzu walked to a table for four, knowing full well the snake man planned on joining him whether he invited him or not and sat down, setting Hidan's plate next to him as well as his glass of soda. He set his food down, watching as Orochimaru sat across from him, smiling.

"Hmm...so it must be your business partner. But he seems pretty special if you got his food for him...that isn't quite like you.." Orochimaru stared at the plates in silent observation.

"He is...special."

"Well apparently, since he isn't dead yet." Orochimaru smirked, picking up a piece of orange chicken with his chopsticks and putting it in his mouth.

Kakuzu narrowed his eyes again, "Oh that's funny. I wonder though...if I started sucking children's cocks too will I be as humorous?"

Orochimaru's eyes narrowed as well, a wicked smirk settling across his face.

The only alert they had of Hidan's presence was pounding footsteps and loud plop into the chair next to him, and of course the complimentary greeting:

"HEY FUCKER!" Hidan shouted, plopping himself down next to Kakuzu and grinning at him, "Ooooh...You got all my favorites..thank you." He said, grabbing a fork and shoving a mouthful of noodles inside.

Kakuzu had to fight the urge to laugh out loud at the expression of disgust Orochimaru was making when Hidan did this. The snake man looked like he would vomit any second. This expression, to Kakuzu's disappointment, changed suddenly when a silver haired man sat next to him, watching Hidan with a smile.

He squinted his eyes slightly, focusing on the features of this young boy. Wasn't he...?...Couldn't be. "Aren't you Sasori's boy?" He asked.

Kabuto blinked, looking at Kakuzu and smiling. "Why Hello Kakuzu-san, it's been quite awhile."

Kakuzu 'hmph'ed and turned to Hidan, who had stopped eating to look at Orochimaru.

"Hey Kakuzu...whose this guy?" He motioned with his forkful of orange chicken.

"That's Orochimaru." Kakuzu said between bites of his teriyaki beef.

"YOU MEAN THAT FAG THAT LEFT THE ORGANIZATION?!" Hidan said loudly. Orochimaru frowned at him, narrowing his eyes.

Kabuto's smiled faded as well as he stared at the loud monk, "That _fag _happens to be my lover."

Kakuzu gagged on his beef, nearly spitting it out from beneath his mask. Hidan merely blinked, raising an eyebrow at the med-nin, "...Your just helping me out, seriously."

Kabuto looked surprised and frustrated by this answer. Deciding whether or not he should kill Hidan, or slap the hell out of him.

Before either could happen though, a fifth plate was slammed loudly onto the table, signaling the arrival of yet another guest. The four men turned to look at the new person, wondering who the hell would interrupt them.

Their answer was a glaring 14 year old, who was dressed in a hotel kimono. His black hair and eyes contrasting against the white fabric.

"You could've have waited for me you know." The youth's eyes narrowed.

Hidan and Kakuzu blinked, looking the youth over. Kabuto merely smiled at the boy, and Orochimaru smirked slightly. The pale snake turned to his fellow partners, waving a hand in the teenager's direction.

"This is Uchiha Sasuke. Sasuke, this is my fellow colleague Kakuzu, and his partner Hidan." Sasuke glanced at them both as Orochimaru said their names, watching as each of them acknowledged their name by a nod of their head. Sasuke merely smirked.

"Partner?...Usually you just got out and say lover Orochimaru." The boy said, picking up a baby carrot and popping it into his mouth. This was soon followed by simultaneous choking noises by Hidan and Kakuzu, both of them trying to resume eating.

"ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID?! HE'S NOT MY LOVER! NOT AT ALL!" Hidan yelled, pointing to Kakuzu and glaring at the Uchiha. Kakuzu's eyes widened slowly, a foreign feeling overcoming him as the word's left Hidan's lips.

'What...is this feeling..?' Kakuzu's brows narrowed, frustration welling up inside of him, 'It sure as hell is not rejection. Probably Horror. Yeah, Horror and Fear. That the owner might find out. That stupid fat squealing woman of an inn-'

"Oh my...lover's quarrel?" A perky voice piped up. This voice drew the attention of the table members, watching as the woman came in view. Machiko-san was pouting slightly, a delicate hand at her cheek as she looked at Hidan. Said monk was blinking stupidly, his finger still pointing at Sasuke in rage. The female inn-keeper looked at Hidan, and then slowly leaned around to stare at Kakuzu.

The man in question was looking at her silently, and nodding his head to the question. Machiko's eyes grew sad at this, a barely audible 'tsk tsk tsk' heard.

"None of that! None of that! He's your husband sweety...You need to forgive him for simple things. It's the big things you can yell at him about." She laughed at her own joke, delighted that Kabuto laughed along with her.

Sasuke glared at the medic holding a fist up to his own mouth and coughing the words 'suck up' before smirking and resting his hand on the table. Kabuto continued to smile at the innkeeper, silently reaching a hand over and pinching Sasuke roughly on the thigh underneath the table. Sasuke let out a loud squeak and glared at Kabuto, his sharingan slowly flowing into his eyes.

Machiko-san paid them no mind, only patting Sasuke's head in a condescending manner and smiling at Kabuto and Orochimaru.

"Take them for example," she motioned to the snake and his toy, smiling," they're been married for _seven _years. And this is their little boy." She patted Sasuke's head again for emphasis, giggling slightly. Sasuke merely glared up at the woman, desperately wishing his mangekyou sharingan would magically kick in.

"You could learn a lesson from them you know." Machiko-san waved a finger, then walked off in a cheerful manner, wishing Kakuzu and Hidan all the best and that they make up as soon as possible.

Kakuzu merely blinked, looking at the two smirking nins across from him. Hidan had seated himself upon Machiko-san's departure, blinking in a very confused way. The treasurer said nothing for a few moments, just staring at the ninjas and mulling some things over in his head.

'Learn a lesson...' He thought to himself, continuing to stare at them, '...that's it!'

He uttered a loud sigh, resting a hand against his forehead and saying in a voice filled with frustration:

"Orochimaru...I can't believe I'm saying this but...I need you to teach Hidan and I on how to be a couple."

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Hooray! Another Chapter! Gosh...this thing was hard to type out for some reason. I do really appreciate you guys being extra patient. -grins- And for all the reviews! I was not expecting that many but you guys are amazing! Thank you so much for reviewing and stuff, I reallllly appreciate it. 3

-sighs dreamily- I love mixing some of my favorite OTP's together. Sasuke...well...I brought him in cause they wouldn't trust him alone at the base...seriously.

And I apologize for the crappy quality of this chapter, I promise to make the next one a lot better. Really I do. This one was just hard..to write..I dunno. And don't worry my little chickadees! The smut is approaching. lD Just not next chapter. Sadly. D:

Well, tune in next time! And don't forget to review!

...Oh yeah. I also don't own these fuckers and I'm not making any stuff offa this. D:


	4. Royally Fucking Up

"Oh my. It must be _dire _if Kakuzu is asking me." Orochimaru smirked, setting his chopsticks down and folding his hands neatly on the table.

As soon as Hidan had heard what Kakuzu said, he stopped eating, and set his chopsticks down...well...more like dropped them, his food falling out of his mouth and landing in a mashed up mound of noodles on his plate. "Kakuzu...you can't be serious..." He said his eyes wide.

Kakuzu glanced at Hidan, slowly nodding. "Of course I am." He replied, taking a sip of his ice tea, "if it means being able to stay free at inns, I'm all for it."

Hidan's jaw dropped as his eyes continued to widen, "You're unbelievable..." Kakuzu merely 'hrmp'ed and looked to the side, Hidan's expression vexing him slightly.

"Hmm.." The snake man said suddenly, glancing between the both of them, "well...Kakuzu you have Hidan at a friendly distance, I'd suggest bringing his chair closer and wrapping an arm around him." He said matter-of-factly, glancing at the men in question.

At this Hidan smirked, pressing his hands against the table, "Yeah right! Kakuzu wouldn't do-" His sentence was interrupted by a loud screech of some stubborn chair legs, causing the twisted priest to tense up, his fingers curling slightly.

"Kakuzu..wha-?" He felt a strong arm wrap itself tightly around his waist, yanking Hidan against him so suddenly that his face practically smacked into his chest. Hidan's eyes were wide as his hands reflexively rested themselves against his pecs. He glanced at the arm around him, a weird feeling of comfort spreading itself from where his arm was placed and all throughout the rest of his body.

Hidan stared up at Kakuzu, who stared down at him with a raised eyebrow. He could tell the fucker was amused, the way his eyes lifted suggested the bastard was smirking his little ass off. Hidan pouted up at him, looking to the side in a twisted with a face full of embarrassment and anger. He inhaled as if to sigh, Kakuzu's scent invading his nostrils almost immediately. The stitched man smelled like some sort of musky cologne, mixed with an almost copper scent. The copper had to have come from Kakuzu dealing with the bills and coins of money frequently. Hidan almost snorted at this.

The last smell...sweet jashin himself..the last smell he decided he really liked. It was the scent of long forgotten books in one's attic. The way Jashin's bibles smelled. The good ones at least, not the crappy ones the new followers were receiving. He had to fight the chuckle which wanted to escape from his throat. Hidan snapped out of his inner monologue, leaning back slightly to fold his arms angrily across his chest.

All the while Kakuzu had been observing Hidan, watching the monk's face change from a different range of emotions that only proved to amuse him more. Of course the monk's scent has hit his nostrils strongly as well, aromas of great strength reaching his nose: Lavender. Blood. Oranges. All these collided together and formed a unique scent that could never be anyone else but Hidan. He had often smelled the lavender, but it had only been a slight wisp of it when the monk got out of his nightly shower.

"Is that your shampoo?" Kakuzu asked suddenly, seeming to forget the three pairs of eyes upon them. Hidan's head spun around to face him with widened eyes.

"...What?" Hidan asked, blinking slightly at the question.

"The Lavender. Is it your shampoo?" He repeated, his eyes now raising themselves to stare at monk's ungelled hair. The way his bangs hung in front of his face in ragged edges showed he has most likely cut them with a kunai, but for some reason it didn't look bad at all. In fact, if anything it made his whiny partner look more attractive.

He heard a smooth chuckle from Hidan, a teasing grin on his face, "Yeah, it is. It's this brand I've always bought...I like the way it makes my hair feels." At this Hidan lifted his hand up, running it through his hair as an example.

Kakuzu reached his hand up without even thinking, it slowly finding it's way into the silky strands and next to the other man's hand. He gently moved his fingers around, fisting it loosely before releasing it and smoothing his hand over the ruffled up part. He watched Hidan go silent; his eyes watching Kakuzu's arm move back and forth as the treasurer messed with his hair, and then smoothed it back down.

A warm tingling sensation became to squirm around in Hidan's tummy, his pulse quickening as well as his face beginning to warm up. He gulped softly, these new sensations rushing over him and thoroughly confusing him in the process. He grabbed Kakuzu's wrist loosely, pulling his hand gently away from his head and setting it down onto the table next to his plate. He then placed his own hand in his lap, staring up at the masked man silently for once.

"Well...that was an awkward experience fucker...But I think I've come to accept the deep shit we've dug ourselves into." Hidan said, grinning slightly.

"Oh?" Kakuzu asked, eyebrow raised. 'Took him long enough.' He added mentally.

Hidan answered with a nod, his arms wrapping themselves around Kakuzu's neck. The stitched man ignored how pleasurable this made him feel, instead raising his eyebrow and giving Hidan a skeptical look.

Hidan's grin merely grew a total look of 'Two can and _will _play at this game.' The pale man turned to the snake and his partner, slamming his fist onto the table.

"Alright fucker! Tell me how to be his lover without sucking his cock!"

---- ------

Hidan practically skipped down the hallways, his hand holding onto a slightly amused waterfall nin's as they walked. Kakuzu couldn't help but be amused at the failed jehovah's witness's actions. They were so dramatically different from his usual ways...It would be a relief to him if it weren't so creepy.

"Hidan..." He said suddenly, watching as Hidan turned around with a gooey smile on his face.

"Yes pookums?"

"...Ok..now your just overdoing it.."

"Overdoing what Honey-pookybear?" Hidan said with a fake innocence, the slightest glint of a smirk on his face. Kakuzu's eyes narrowed, standing still as he stared at him.

"Alright Hidan..I get it. You have made your point." Kakuzu said bluntly, deciding not to beat around the bush or else the monk would make him repeat himself for his own twisted satisfaction. "Using you for money is bad." The stiched treasurer hadn't really learned his lesson, but if it meant Hidan acting somewhat normal then he'd lie.

"Good!" Hidan said finally, a frown setting on his features as he yanked his hand away. "My hand was getting sweaty..." At this he rubbed his palm against the excess fabric on Kakuzu's clothed arm, pulling it away once he was satisfied. He ignored the fact that he had been having way too much fun. Stupid fucking brain. Making up fucking things to fuck with his fucking head!

Kakuzu stared at the slight stain on his arm with a small amount of revulsion, then looked at Hidan. The man wasn't making eye contact with him, hell; he wasn't even _looking _at him. It seemed he was very occupied with the hallway wall, as if it was the most interesting thing in the world. He raised an eyebrow at this, staring at the wall as well.

"...Are you actually thinking..? Or has your brain just stopped..?" He said dryly, waiting for his partner's explosive reaction.

Hidan merely turned away from him, muttering under his breath, " I need a bath.." and headed off towards the hot springs again.

Kakuzu blinked.

And blinked.

And blinked.

Finally he managed to recover, a frown setting on his features. Did Hidan just.._not _blow up at him? He didn't even glare at him. The past five minutes had gone from creepy to just down right unsettling...and it was starting to piss Kakuzu off.

What happened in the next five minutes was a complete blur to him, a thing that sometimes happens when his anger begins to mount. The next thing he knew, he had a wide-eyed Hidan staring up at him, his body pressing him against the rough bark of a blooming sakura tree. Kakuzu was glaring down at him, holding his wrists in a vice-like grip behind the monk's body.

"K-kakuzu..." Hidan let out a nervous laugh, raising an eyebrow at him, "You ok man...? Y-your kinda freaking the shit out of me here..I mean I'm used to your anger but damn..this feels...different for some fucking reason.." Another nervous laugh. A silent hope that the stiched man chuckled along.

Kakuzu's eyes softened slightly, his hands releasing Hidan's wrists. His body still keeping him tightly trapped against the tree. He silently observed the other's body, feeling the hard muscles and the bone, barely any fat at all on the man's frame. This didn't faze Kakuzu in the slightest; For it had been much too long..way too long since he felt the touch of another, the feelings swirling inside of him and clouding his mind, making him forget just _who _he had pinned.

Hidan began to squirm against him, pushing at a totally-not-budging chest. "D-dude stop..Seriously. Your creeping me the fuck out. And you smell." Hidan's nose wrinkled in a form of revulsion, a small pout settling on his features as if Kakuzu's scent had scolded at him. "Have you taken a bath since you got here? I mean, seriously, your starting to fuckin stink."

Kakuzu wasn't paying any attention; he was reaching underneath the back of his head and slowly un latching his mask that hid the lower half of his face. He let it fall, pleased when Hidan stopped talking and fell silent with a dear-in-the-headlights look about him.

"Dude...is that your fucking _face?" _Hidan's hand shot up, a single pale finger tracing the stitches that kept Kakuzu's cheeks together. Kakuzu tensed at the contact, watching Hidan's face with great amusement. He smiled slightly, the man near him letting out a small noise of surprise when the stitches moved with it.

"Wow that's actually...kinda cool. Fucking creepy-as-hell...But still kinda cool." Hidan smiled slightly, his hand still tracing the man's stitches. Kakuzu welcomed the touch, licking his suddenly dry lips. Hidan watched the slight movement, his eyes filled with an emotion that Kakuzu could not recognize, and didn't really give a damn to.

"Hidan.." He said, speaking after a long amount of time. Hidan almost immediately dropped his hand, looking up at him with a slight curiosity. Kakuzu deemed this look cute. Mentally daring anyone to say otherwise.

Hidan raised an eyebrow when Kakuzu didn't say anything. If you asked him, he'd say the fucker was acting weirder than usual. Much weirder. Hidan silently stared Kakuzu in the eyes, squirming against Kakuzu when the silence started to become uncomfortable once more.

"What do you want fucker?!" He finally demanded, leaning up and glaring Kakuzu in the face to where their noses were practically touching. Kakuzu merely stared at him silently, before reaching up and pressing his soft hands on each side of Hidan's face. Hidan's eyes widened almost comically, causing his squirming to increase.

" _This._" Kakuzu said huskily, yanking Hidan's face forward and mashing their lips together. Hidan's body went rigid, so still that Kakuzu wondered if this was how one killed a follower of Jashin. That idea made him smirk against the soft pale lips of his partner. He stared into Hidan's dangerously wide eyes, his head tilting slightly so his lips glided over the warm surface.

Hidan stared into the completely dead serious eyes of his partner. Blinking stupidly as the man tilted his head, his rough but gentle, and slightly wet, lips moving over him. A small fire ignited in the pit of Hidan's abdomen at that simple move, a gentle shiver that didn't go unnoticed by the other man coursing up and down his spine. The other nin's hands slowly glided down from his cheek to wrap themselves possessively around his waist.

Hidan had never really kissed someone before. I mean sure he had _fucked _someone before, don't get him wrong, but he didn't really ever kiss his partners. He was the fuck 'em then leave 'em dead type. So the weird sensation of Kakuzu breaking away, then kissing him again, the repeating the process quicker and quicker til Hidan awkwardly began to open his mouth with each warm press of his lips began to make the lust rise in Hidan's stomach. Now _that _made him confused, seriously.

'Kakuzu's kissing me? _Me?!? _The one he called a fucktard then threw into a river just for his _amusement?! _Chopped off my head and then stuffed it inside a fucking cupboard so he could have a peaceful night's sleep? _That Kakuzu? The very same?_' He found it very hard to believe, letting out a squeak as he felt something cool and wet rub across his lip, inviting itself inside of his mouth with forceful dominance.

'_My God.' _Kakuzu thought silently as he devoured the monk's mouth. He had not known what had come over him to do this, but somewhere inside of him he was so glad he did. Hidan tasted like heaven, which was ironic, him being a satan or whatever worshipper and all. Kakuzu couldn't care who he worshiped at this point, just as long as he could keep himself inside Hidan's mouth. Which slightly amused him since the monk's mouth was the feature he had hated most until now.

The treasurer had not known he had really been attracted to Hidan. Well...that wasn't entirely true.. There had been moments since their partnership began when he had been staring at his partner with more than annoyance, but those had been very rare occasions indeed.

His larger tongue glided against his partner's, letting out a slight growl when he felt no response. The growl caused Hidan to snap to his senses, and Kakuzu felt a fist lodge itself in his gut before he was thrown backwards roughly onto his ass.

He glanced up at Hidan, about to ask him what the fuck that was for, but the monk's expression made it freeze in his throat.

Hidan's eyes seemed to be full with a bunch of raging emotions, switching frequently from anger to confusion he noticed. Kakuzu slowly stood up, watching as the man stared at him silently before swiftly turning around and marching towards the hotel.

The twisted treasurer watched him til he disappeared from sight, knowing full well what had just happened.

He had _royally_ fucked up.

---- ------

HOLY FUCK GUYS! HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN? TOO LONG! I am so fucking sorry. I really am.

I THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH FOR REVIEWING THIS CARCASS. IT FUELED ME TO FINISH THIS! Sorry the quality sucks.

And Uh..Here's a few notes:

I think this is before Hidan has seen any part of Kakuzu's face, so this is early in their partnership.And..yeah...

Sorry sorry sorry guys. I really am. I promise to upload a new chapter soon! And I'm really sorry for OOCness!

And thank you again for hanging in there!

And sorry for any weird sentences. Microsoft word tends to be crazy.


	5. The Weasel and The Bomber

So, could my day get any worse?

In the disgruntled monk's opinion, it couldn't. So as he sat there inside the hot springs, he sighed a heavy sigh and angrily glared at a rock across from him.

'This day _blows. _I mean, first I get weird advice from a fucking drag queen and his stupid nurse. Then when I actually _bother _to actually do something _right _for once, I get boned in the ass by fate _once again! _', He let out a frustrated sigh, ' Man..I don't even know what the fuck to _do!_'

Suddenly the hot spring door opened, a chorus of voices and laughter sounded as he heard the men walk inside. Hidan frowned, ducking himself behind a rock so they wouldn't notice him. He didn't want to talk to some assholes who wanted to fake-pity him. Though, that didn't stop him from _hearing _the loud bastards.

He tried to ignore them as best as he could, grabbing the nearest bottle of herb to put on his body. The priest lifted it up to his face, an intense frown setting on it once he saw what the herb was: Lavender.

_' "Is that your shampoo?" _

_"...What?"  
_

_"The Lavender. Is it your shampoo?"  
_

_"Yeah, it is. It's this brand I've always bought...I like the way it makes my hair feels." '  
_

Hidan reached up and ran his hand through his hair, much as a masked man had hours ago.

He bristled up swiftly, returning from his dreamy state and glaring down at the bottle again.

"STUPID FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT-ASS CUNT LICKING BOTTLE OF LAVENDER!" He roared as he stood up, throwing the bottle at the nearest wall, a wave of satisfaction coursing through him when it exploded. Heh, teach Kakuzu to invade _his _head.

"Wow Hidan, I knew you were batshit insane, but isn't this a little much un?" Came an annoyingly familiar voice, causing Hidan to whirl around with his eyes widened in surprise.

Deidara smirked at him, his long hair down and flowing around him in the water. His weird partner, Tobi, sat next to him with his mask on Did the bastard ever take it off? in a full-bodied black wet-suit and towel. His surprise didn't fade when he noticed another pair of people staring at him, a frown setting on his features when he saw Kisame and Itachi sitting there, both in towels and the Uchiha with his hair down.

"What is this _place?! _An akatsuki resort or some shit?!" Hidan asked angrily, glaring them all down. This caused laughter from Kisame and Deidara, who smirked at him once they fell silent.

"It looks that way, Hida-san!" Tobi piped up, "But in reality, it's cause Dei-Sempai's really _lazy_ and-" At once Deidara glared at Tobi in a swift turn of his head, causing the masked man to fall silent, not wanting to be exploded out of the water. Hidan had to grin at this, turning his eyes to the mad bomber.

"Lazy huh? You guys could have stopped at another inn, you know." Hidan frowned, inviting himself into their area of the spring by stepping over the rock wall and plopping himself down in between the two sets of partners, "Why here of all places?"

"It was on our way to Rain, to visit Pein-sama." Deidara said, giving one last glare to Tobi before looking back at Hidan, " And the heat was killing us, so we came here un." He shrugged after he said the last part, looking at the ceiling.

"What about you guys?" Hidan looked over at Kisame and his ever-silent partner Itachi. The shark blinked, shrugging as well, "The heat was bothering us too, so we decided to take a break here for a couple days before we headed off to Konoha." While Kisame was saying this, he stretched and put his arm behind Itachi, relaxing against the wall. The Uchiha seemed unfazed by this, merely glancing at the arm, before looking at Hidan and slightly moved his head down, to signal Kisame was right.

"And what about you Hida-san? Why're you alone?" Tobi asked cheerfully.

"Yeah, where's the husband? You guys get into a fight?" Kisame said jokingly, smirking.

Hidan turned a deep shade of red, ducking himself under the water to where only his nose and above were visible. At once the group of missing nin perked up, blinking at the man's strange reaction. It being strange since he didn't scream and pick up the nearest rock and throw it at them.

Deidara was the first to speak after the awkward silence, "..So...wait...are you saying that you and Kakuzu are...you know...?" The blonde haired man said slowly, making random vague hand gestures.

At once Hidan's eyes widened, popping out of the water swiftly to point at the ex-earth nin in anger, " WE ARE _NOT _YOU STUPID FUCKER! KAKUZU'S JUST AN ASS! IT WAS _HIS _IDEA TO POSE AS A FUCKING MARRIED COUPLE! THE STUPID SNAKE _DRAG QUEEN'S _IDEA TO PRETEND! IT WAS KAKUZU _AGAIN _FOR FUCKING WITH MY HEAD! I JUST- WE- _GAH! _" He finished angrily, blushing and kicking down the nearby rock wall.

His co-workers watched his outburst silently, an even more awkward silence following as Hidan panted, staring at the demolished structure.

"Hey uh..Tobi..Let's go get a beer. "Kisame said, standing up abruptly.

"But Kisa-kun, Tobi doesn't _like _beer-" The shark merely grabbed Tobi's arm, dragging him out of the spring with him and towards the entrance.

"Then uh..I'll buy you cake or something, come on." He yanked Tobi inside, listening to man happily babble, "Ooh Tobi likes cake! His favorite kind is chocolaaatteee..and um...vanillaaa...and.." Their voices mainly Tobi's faded away, leaving the three men in silence.

Deidara had a frown on his features, glancing at Hidan's back and then looking at Itachi, before returning his gaze to the pale monk. He slowly stood up, letting out a loud sigh, "C'mon Hidan...let's get out of here." Deidara walked over to Hidan, reaching over and touching Hidan's elbow as if said man was on fire, a grimace on his face. He didn't really _like _the monk, but he didn't exactly hate him either. The bastard was just hard to deal with.

Hidan turned around and glared at him, a slight pout on his features, "Where the hell are we going?" He let the man lead him out of the hot springs to the locker room, Itachi at his other side.

"To my room." The Uchiha said quietly, nearly startling Hidan that the man had spoken at all. Usually he just stayed quiet and stared at Hidan til he left him alone. Which really worked cause the bastard scared the shit out of him.

"Your room?...But...Oh god. _Oh god. _"Hidan began to panic, pulling on his hand. At this Deidara bristled, turning around with a horrified expression on his face.

"NOT FOR THAT UN! UGH!" Deidara shivered with disgust. "I wouldn't do that with Itachi..let alone you. No offense Itachi, un." The bomber added quickly, surprising the immortal nin.

'Whoa...Deidara apologizing?...Did Hell freeze over?' He stared at them with even more confused eyes, pulling his hand away slowly, "I gotta go to my locker...I'll meet you guys at the door." The two men nodded at him, heading off to their lockers as he walked over to his.

'This day couldn't get any fucking weirder..' He mused, putting on his yukata and walking over to the door where the other two were waiting. Hidan stared at them skeptically, a frown set on his face.

Deidara 'Tch'ed and rolled his eyes, turning around and walking off with Itachi in tow. Hidan followed slowly, still unsure of this whole situation, and glanced around to check for any traps his teammates could have set up for him.

-- --

Okay, turns out he had nothing to worry about. They really were at the Uchiha's room, about the same size as his own room and Kakuzu's, but on the other side of the hotel that overlooked the city. Hidan's ungelled bangs fell in his face, slightly shielding curious violet eyes as he looked around the room.

Another contrast in their room and this one was that Kakuzu and Hidan's was already messy...like...seriously messy. He didn't even know how it got that way. But the Uchiha's room was..too clean. 'How the hell could he even sleep here at all? I mean..especially with a guy like Kisame. The man's like..a fucking tank. There's no way in hell he sleeps here.'

He was brought out of his thoughts when a cup of warm tea was set in front of him, an elegant hand connected to it. His eyes swiftly traced up the arm to the stoic Uchiha's face.

"Jasmine." Itachi said softly, pouring Deidara a cup as well. The blonde grumbled a thank you, before looking up at the ceiling and sipping some, leaning back on one hand. The bastard looked at ease, like this was something he did often.

Hidan picked up his tea, sniffing it briefly before taking a nervous sip. He wasn't much of a tea guy, but _damn _this was good! The monk eagerly gulped the rest down, much to the amusement of the other two men in the room.

"Enjoy the tea Hidan?" Itachi asked with a small quirk of his lips. Deidara was grinning from ear to ear at the Uchiha's subtle joke, setting his own cup down half-empty.

Hidan set the cup down swiftly, glaring them both down as he whiped his mouth on his sleeve.

They all stared at each other awkwardly for a few minutes before Hidan broke the silence, " So..Why the hell am I here? And why the fuck are you guys so fucking close? You banging each other?"

At this Deidara choked on the tea he was just bringing to his lips, setting his cup down and coughing. Itachi stared at him silently, a frown on his features.

"No Hidan..but thank you for phrasing it so delicately." The Uchiha said with a slight hint of sarcasm, pouring Hidan more tea. Hidan 'tch'd taking a brief sip before setting it down.

"Well it's true. You guys usually get along as well as two wet cats trapped in a bag. "

Hidan had to grin at this image, leaning on the table to take turns glancing at either of them, "Well? What's up?"

Deidara let out a loud sigh, looking down at his tea cup and tracing the top of it with his finger, " Yeah, it's true me and Itachi usually hate each other. Or mainly me hating Itachi for what he did to me in the past." At this Deidara shot Itachi a dirty look, which the Uchiha pointedly ignored, sipping his tea, "But me and him have found common ground un. And as much of a cliché as it sounds, we gradually...albeit a bit _painfully _realized we had more things in common than we realized un." The bomber tapped the cup slightly, raising his eyes in a lazy way, a smirk on his features.

Hidan frowned, "Well _duh _we all have common ground. We're all in the same organization." Hidan said staring at them with a raised eyebrow, " What could you have shared that would have brought _you two _together?"

Deidara turned his stare towards the only silent member of this conversation, Hidan following his eyes as well. Itachi was quiet, taking his time to set down his tea cup and raise his face, moving his eyes over to stare at Hidan. This was another thing the monk found unnerving about the Uchiha, the fact that when his sharingan wasn't activated his eyes were even _more _intense than they usually were...wait..not activated?

'Damn', he thought, ' they must have found one hell of a common ground.'

"Deidara and I have a certain lifestyle that...well..we each accidentally discovered we had." Itachi's eyes bored into his, causing the jashin worshipper to squirm slightly, avoiding his eyes every so often.

Hidan leaned back, nervously grinning at them, " What? Are you guys gay or something?" He chuckled, blinking when no laughter followed with his. Violet eyes glanced back and forth between them, widening, "Sweet _Jashin! _You are?! I knew you were too pretty to be straight!" He said, staring at Itachi.

The black haired boy's lips quirked, signaling he found that humorous, but Deidara only sighed slightly, " Yeah Hidan, we're _gay. _But that's not the common ground we share un." He frowned at him.

"Well damn, what is it then?" White eyebrows furrowed together.

Deidara muttered something, glaring to the side as the color on his cheeks came to life.

Hidan blinked, "What?"

Deidara muttered something a bit louder, but Hidan didn't catch it, a frown setting on his features, "Damnit Deidara! What the fuck could it be that-"

"Me and Tobi are together!" He blurted out, glaring at his co-worker. The earth-nin's face turned brighter, glaring off to the side once again and crossing his arms across his chest.

"And I with Kisame." Itachi said with his soft voice, picking his tea cup up and sipping it.

Hidan went quiet, a huge feat for anybody, and sat there with his mouth hanging open. Everyone sat there a few moments in silence, no one really having anything to say.

Eventually the monk found his voice box again, swallowing lightly, "...So...why am I here?...You gonna abduct me into your gay cult or something?"

Deidara's eyes widened and Itachi stood, swiftly leaving the room.

A second later a loud voice could be heard yelling, "KATSU!" followed by a screaming pale man being thrown out a window by the force of a explosion.

-- --

I AM SO SORRY YOU GUYS! Once again I fail to update as soon as I said I would -sighs- Please please please forgive me. -bows-

And no, this chapter isn't a filler, it's actually important to other stories I will write in the future. And yes, the smut will come the chapter after next I believe. I promise that. -grin-

So give me your input! Do you like Hidan/Itachi/Deidara's interactions? I tried to make them as in character as possible, I've never written them before though so I promise to improve by next chapter...which I hope will come eventually.

Until then!


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